Polite sniffs, and all the greetings of the day. My name is Humphrey, and this is my story. I am a German Shepherd, and have lived on this troubled globe for two and a half years. I currently make my home with two humans, Woman and Man. We share a second floor apartment in a neighborhood by the ocean and a coal plant. When we return home from our infrequent visits elsewhere, I know that I am nearly to my territory when the smells of salt air and coal enter my nostrils.
Mine is a happy life–relatively–though into every happy life, a little rain must fall (and when it does, if you have ears like mine, you had best try to flatten them against your head). You will find, dear readers, that I am prone to yeast infections of the ear, and this affliction causes much irritation and necessitates Woman and Man teaming up on me to rub droplets of medicine into my ears.
There have been many episodes of tragedy and comedy in my young life, and those I will share with you here, as well as my quest to right wrongs and to punish those who have thought to commit crimes with impunity. I have traveled a long way, and learned many important things.
One thing I learned early on is that the dog in the mirror is me. When first I saw a puppy prancing and wagging his tail in the antique gold mirror that Man and Woman kept on the floor in our old bedroom, I felt sure that I had been betrayed, that Woman and Man loved another canine just like me. I barked at him and barked at him, but he responded in just the same way to me. When I approached him, he had no smell. I could not feel his nose touch mine. I felt terror overwhelm my brain, but at the same time, a wave of exhilaration flushed through me. I encountered him a few more times–always in the same place–before I realized it. The dog in the mirror was me! I was my own enemy. This was a comfort to me, but also taught me two valuable lessons:
#1: Things are not always what they seem.
#2: I enjoy the hunt–figuring out the why and how of things. I get a thrill from confronting the unexpected.